I need to stop trying to convince myself that I'm happy and stop giving off the illusion that this is perfect because reality is.. It's just not. And I think it's about time I faced reality that this might not work. That I need to weigh the differences and similarities and determine if it is worth it holding on hoping for it to change when deep down I know it won't s
I don't get the chance to blog very often, and my life isn't that interesting as i often am too busy preoccupied with working and university assignments. I don't have the chance to meet or have lunch or hang out with my friends as often as i would like. But in saying this a progress note! 66.9KG! i went down to a 66.3, but due to increase of assignments during the last 2 weeks i haven't been able to make it to the gym hence the increase in weight! I also have started my attempt to quit smoking, day one so far im feeling not too bad, but the cravings will just increase and will be much harder when i am at home. Anyways an update on my blog theme! Too much to do with uni i haven't been out in such a long time... hopefully after this semester is over i can do a bit of a partying! just in time for my birthday ;) in the mean time i will have to just deal with indulging myself to a bit of relaxation next week during my mid semester break now that i have most of my assignments out of the way!
Over the last year or so, after i had come back from my mega long overseas trip i went from 52 kg, a size 6-8 (mostly 8 depending on the brand and what im wearing) to now a size 10-12 sitting at 68 kg the last time i checked which would have been a couple weeks ago.. the last time i went to the gym..
I've been trying on and off to quit smoking and also lose the weight with a combination of gym and healthy eating, although with my busy lifestyle i do slip up and have slipped up and thus losing my motivation to continue and then once again i have fallen into that slum and ultimately put on more weight.. However i am ever so more determined this time, i ave started a new diet (more like healthy foods and cut back on the soft drinks and such - though i will allow myself to have one now and then) and attempt to exercise more and not leave my gym membership to waste and the money that i put into it! SO i will try to post how im going and what ive been up to.. I will be also keeping a note of how much weight i have lost and well i am trying to lose weight but that is not my main priority, because when you tone up you put on muscle so that might be heavier. Therefore my ultimate goal is to get back to a size 8! My original size! Here's to cutting everything out of my diet.. although i am allowed dark chocolate there and there as it is better for you then milk chocolate and that should kerb my chocolate cravings, but i cant be having it everyday otherwise it would just ruin it for me. Anyways this is an update since i havent in so long....! Wish me luck guys!
Last night or rather this morning I had a really weird dream.. I can't exactly pin point what it was as I don't really remember but it has disturbed in the sense that it had made a profound impact on me that its put me into a depressive state. And that I've started to question a lot of things.. I have flashback of it, part of which I'm in a pool which is located on the top deck of a boat and I'm swimming around, and there are a nice Vietnamese couple with a little daughter, and in it I feel so happy, like something has finally clicked for me and I am filled with extreme joy. What confuses me is that if I was so happy, why do I feel so depressed or guilty. I am unsure of this feeling it confuses me, I am unsure of what it is... But it feels like when I've read one of my romance books and something bad happens there's that ache in your chest, but this is more of a prolonged aching.. I don't know what to make of this.


On another note, I've been so tired coming back to work after the holidays.. But I am determined not to take any days off.. I've worked here for 2 months now and I haven't taken one day off yet.. Two or three months I cannot remember but I love this job and the people i work with, with one exception of course...but there will always be that open person that you don't like at work..

In regards to studies, well that is going ok so far, just hoping that things will improve, I passed all my units last semester and am excited to start again in February. At the moment I am just doing one course through open universities and it is harder then doing it at uni.

I have no idea what I am writing but this dream has put a toll on me and it is bothering me quite a bit as I feel so unbalanced and so out of it. Right now I really need some comfort from Thien... I really need a bit of a cuddle. I feels so uncomfortable today... Anyways that's all for now...

Love, M
My friend Tania and I are starting up a new business for hair extensions, we provided Virgin European Remy Hair.. (still deciding, but it will be very good quality) please check our store at Goddess Indulgence I will also be updating constantly on this blog in regards to new details and what new stock we have! Thanks guys!

- M
I know this post is a bit delayed since people usually write it either on the 31st for the coming year or write it on the 1st, but here it is.

2012,

The was my year or trial and error, holidaying, enjoying life before essentially committing to adult life - in saying this just because you are over 18, it does not mean you are an adult! I cannot stress this fact enough! You might be considered an adult in legal terms but essentially you have either just finished high school or are in the first year of university or work which ever one it is. Despite being 18 your mindset is still young and you aren't thinking about your future - long term future! That is marriage, kids, mortgages, bills. A lot of the people I know(this goes beyond friends to acquaintances and strangers I've met for the first time who seem to have no problems opening up to me, lol) anyways back on track, a lot of the people I know we're raised in a family where they don't pay rent, they don't pay bills they don't have family problems, and its pretty much an awesome way to grow up therefore (in my opinion) they find it harder to adjust to having to pay bills, living off only what you make and having to budget and cut back on the spending of useless things that they were able to buy before because their parents supported them.

2012 was a very big year for me, I met the love of my life, who makes me the happiest girl alive, we have problems, every relationship does whether they admit it or not! I did struggle with uni at the beginning of the year, due to my dad moving back in after being divorced and separated from my mum for over 15 years, but in saying that I let myself down by letting it get to me so much that it affected my studies, I had failed all my first semester units but I did manage to find myself a job when I got back, working at a doctors surgery in Fairfield. But back to my studies, I had failed everything first semester and I was so disappointed in myself, I ended up being put on probation from uni, which means that I can only do 3 units per semester and I had to pass 50% of those units which meant 2/3 units needed to be passed per semester. Second semester at uni, I tried and made more of an effort, I even managed to make some friends, although that was not my goal but I feel happy because I've never really tried to make friends as usually I was just there to attend classes to get them over and done with so I could go home and go out - that was totally the wrong mindset! But I managed to get 2 passes and a credit which put me over the mark and I got off probation, yay! Also during this last semester I found myself another job giving me 4 days a week! I feel so happy and fulfilled because I am actually working for my money now instead of relying on centrelink! Getting of centrelink is so good, I now have some disposable income that I was able to buy Christmas presents this year, for my family, this makes me so happy. I even have managed to get money into my savings account. But overall the year started off quite bad, but ended on such a high note and I can't think of a better way to end the year. At the start of the year I was this miserable, depressed girl and over the course of the year I feel so much better about myself, I've gained confidence (and a little weight, but that's easily fixed) I've been paying attention to my health more, trying to eat healthy and go to the gym(though I've been slacking on that the last month). But I feel like I'm settled down, and enjoying life to its fullest. A year ago I would have been eager to go clubbing get drunk and that was my solution to everything to just get drunk and go out. I believe I have matured dramatically over the past year and that I am so proud of myself that I got myself out of that horrible funk I was in. Things are so different for me now and it was all over the course of one short year. I am now saving to buy my mums house and invest in property. I want to do so much and I will but this year, 2013 will be the year where I take the first steps in securing my future, providing myself with a bright future, one that my mother would be proud off. For her to be proud to say that is my daughter. I have many goals, one of which to be accepted into the graduate program for the Australian department of trade and foreign affairs. I will get there one day!

2013 New Year Resolutions:
Lose weight, gain muscle - get back to being a size 8!
Study harder and aim for distinctions & high distinctions!
Work hard and move up the ladder!
Save up money for deposit on my mothers house.
Quit smoking (I will quit when I get back to my idea size)
Enjoy life in its purest forms (travelling, enjoying what I've been given - Sydney)
Make more of an effort with my friends to keep in touch


Those are my New Year Resolutions, I have high expectations of myself, but I want to be able to look back at this post next year and be proud of myself that I have made an attempt to try accomplish them all. Goodnight for now! As it is current 3:50am and I just had to blog because I had so much on my mind I couldn't sleep until I got it all out.

Love, M.




I spent the day with my bestfriend Matt, whom i haven't seen in quite a while.. well he bought me an Owl teapot for christmas!

Awesomeness! :) So update on my life, i now work 4 days a week, study one day a week which sometimes i also spend time with my friends on my day off, Wednesdays usually.. I got my licences . i am so happy now everything is where it is supposed to be..
Life is awesome.. Though i don't have alot of time to spend with my friends, which is unfortunate but i hope to be able to make time for everyone :) Life could not be better..

There comes a time where everything just settles down for you, everything comes into place and it feels just right. Like there is nothing that would make life better than it is now.. Work is awesome, it feels good just to be out and earning my way in life, though it is hard but this is the first job that i enjoy coming into work and not hate waking up in the mornings.. I also try to gym when i can and i feel like there is a change... I just want to be a size 8-10 again.. which i will be soon which is my goal.. so happy with myself.. life is bloody awesome! :D

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